confuseghurl

it's been ages since my last entry. i want to write about a lot of things, but I keep on forgetting. I registered my own domain for my travelogues (for a year now) but I failed to start.hence, still no entries in that site. I got a premium multiply account but i also failed to update it. I still keep my friendster and blogspot blogs, but no updates. I downloaded a desktop journal/diary, but still minimal update. (i think i need to do a web cleanup)

and now here i am, back to my very first blog.

it's the holiday season. everyone should be merry. I can say that I have a lot of reasons to be happy.

not sure if it's the weather or the office atmosphere (having less employees during Christmas break), but I feel down. Maybe because I have to start counting the days before I leave for US to work... or maybe my entire reality is slowly sinking in. in any case, I have to remind myself to post another blog entry regarding me leaving the country

for today, kindly bear with my emo-ness.

once in a while, i pause and think about my life. cleaning my room during the long weekend allowed me to read my previous diaries. and it reminded me a lot of things... diaries preserved my memories. and it made me understand why things are like what they are today.

i had a blog entry few years ago regarding Closing Cycles by Paulo Coehlo. i tried to close most of the cycles. but i guess, some can't be closed forcibly - only time can tell. and for others, perhaps not meant to be closed at all.

move forward. at least, that's the goal.

reading previous diaries, then reading my blog entries help me understand things... it helped me understand myself - the things I've thought about, things I love, hate and dream about... the ongoing emotional rollercoaster... the what-ifs... the realizations and all the things in between. reading between the lines of all my entries gave a glimpse of how I lived the past years...

sometimes fulfilled. sometimes miserable. sometimes happy. most of the times - confused.

some wishes were  granted. some aspirations changed. some goals reached. some dreams came true.

while others, i guess will remain in dreams; will materialized in another world, in another time, in another dimension; or will still be an entry in my long what-might-have-been / what-could-have-been list.

Bottomline, I guess I just have to let time and events to take its course. And I have to stay awake to see how this life story will end.

Did you say it?
I love you.
I don't ever want to live without you.
You changed my life.
Did you say it?
Make a plan.
Set a goal.
Work toward it.
But every now and then, look around.
Drink it in.
'Cause....this is it.
It might all be gone tomorrow. - Grey's Anatomy

Currently listening to: The Man Who Can't Be Moved
Currently feeling: blah

confuseghurl

I must say I was pushed to the limit...BUT.... I refuse to stoop down to that level. It's just so immature and stupid.

And I must also say that  the recent event justifies the relationship to its most basic and nonchalant form...colleague. So, it's just proper to deal with a colleague in a manner that is both civil and professional. no surprise in that.

There's always a lost in sense and meaning when a story is being translated into another thing. twisted truth, if I may call it. But please, let us remind ourselves of the so-called "social responsibility"...we're adults for crying out loud. get your freakin' facts straight... did I already say, we're adults already?

But hey, it is soooo yesterday and I have promised myself I will no longer deal with it. However, yeah, it's not that important to earn an entry in my blog, but it is an unfortunate and pitiful event that one must learn from. There's always a thin line between maturity and sensibility.... This is the first time that I will blog about it and hopefully the last for it's a waste of time if I return all the bashing. I still have the nerve to remind myself of blogging rules and policy.

for what it's worth.... for clarity's sake

you no longer matter. i no longer care. i won't stoop down to your level, if that's what you're expecting.  this is getting so damn pathetic ) if i were you, i'll watch your back. ..fyi: it's not me who's being hated

last words: once an a**hole, always an a**hole... i guess you'll never know that

confuseghurl

2008 was a great year for me. it wasn't perfect and neither smooth but it was one hell of a ride. parang ang daming nangyari and each day is different from the other. my upcoming photoblog entry will tell how was it when it comes to my travel but this post is intended for something deeper....

came across "closing cycles" by paolo coehlo thru ava's blog and i find it so fitting to describe the year that was...

cycle of doing.
each year brings the same 525,600 minutes and one won't progress if he keeps doing what he's doing. U.R.L. Unlearn.Relearn. Learn. I have let go some habits, reminded myself of some good old ones and learned a thing or two along the way. Hopefully, I can bring them altogether in 2009.

cycle of renting.
thank God for giving us a home we can call our own. finally the cycle of being nomad ended this year.

cycle of carry-overs.
as we moved into the new house, I chose not to packed everything I own (thank God for digital cameras, I won't be missing them too much :D). There are some I have to let go and leave behind. But not bringing them in doesn't mean I chose to forget, it only means I chose to : unclutter and  move on. One cannot live on the shadows of his past. It's time to acquire new souvenirs, aspire for something greater and be part of something more significant.... . moving-in is starting anew.

re-cycling.
as things got disposed during move-out, it must be done responsibly. thank God for the waste market fair at Goldcrest glorietta. It allowed me to take part in taking care of dearest mother earth.

cycle of communication.
for a tree to bloom, it must be pruned. sometimes must hibernate so we can move along or find who is brave enough to tear down the wall... [however] sometimes need to reconnect to feel each other's worth... As i clean-up my office emails, it brought me back a lot of good and not-so-good memories of my work and the people I work with for the past three years. some messages were informative,  pathetic, petty, funny and tragic but all in all very entertaining. But as part of the "uncluttering" and freeing physical space, no turning back, I have to trash it. I retained a few and will probably hold on to it until I'm there.

cycle of life, love and friendship.
there are doors we seldom have control over with, cycles that opens and closes on its own....    
    it took goodbye to realize what I got.
    took sickness to stop a bad habit.
    took a harsh  talk to stop a  mean cycle.
    took an unplanned trip to gain two new friends.
    took a prayer to rekindle a relationship.
    ... but i guess...
     it will take n-hours/days/years to bring back things to the way they were.
    (for someone) it took a heartache to find the well-deserved happiness.
    ... and I know...
    it will only take God to say whether things right now are for good or not.

confuseghurl

today is new year's eve.

there's a lot of things going on my mind, from household chores, life decisions upto disposal of old clothes and recycable materials.

i'm trying to juggle everything in my thoughts thinking i can solve them.

i am an O.C. in my on way. i want to fix and arrange things right then and there.... in my own time. not considering there are things that can't be done. not today. not now.


as i clean up things, i came across my little notes...   i have a habit of trying to write down my thoughts. whether it's my to-do list or just random things. i make it a point to jot them down to avoid overload. and it's funny and ridiculous if you get to read everything ( i even include in my list "kill all the rats in the house") hahahha.... there are redundant items listed. mostly what i want and need. and in light of the new year, there are those that can be considered as "resolutions"..

1. tithe every sunday
2. get to travel
3. clean the house
4. arrange our pictures
5. read the bible
6. learn a new language
7. create a scrapbook
8. read a new book and finish it
9. less worrying, ranting and whining
10. get mad less
11. be more positive in life
12. attend a dance class
13. get fit
14. be better
15. praise God always
16. save money
17. play chess again
18. learn how to cook
19. take up Master studies
20. be more responsible
21. be more sensitive
22. be more thankful
23. help at least one life

i guess some are in progress while for others , i havent even started. i plan to do so and i hope and pray for strength to press on...