why do i have this blog?

it's been n-years since i start this blog. and i started this just to join the bandwagon. but apparently, this blog has been more than an accessory to me. It has become my outlet and refuge.

My life was an open book ever since highschool. I cant remember a time wherein i havent share my day to day encounters with my tropa. And yeah, at times I even make kwento to my acquaintances. I dont hold bars. I just always share. I feel like by being transparent, people wont have any reason to judge you for something you're not...

When I stepped into college, things have changed. I am no longer in an environment that is controlled. I feel like I have to restrained myself from talking, otherwise I'll end up being the other table's topic. I became cautious on what to share and to whom I should share it with. I feel blessed having 'catalan girls' as my housemates. they have kept me sane just by listening.
however being me as the 'talkative me', it would still be hard not to have anyone to talk about acads and comp sci stuffs. I have my blocmates but somehow there's this want in me to be a part of a bigger crowd. dont get me wrong, i loved having my blocmates around,esp Laurice, Ethel among others, but i just wanted more. I joined an org thinking it would help broaden my perspective. And it did. The CPS Triangle has been my family away from home. But even inside a family, I learned how to hold my horses. Yeah, not everyone can/would listen and understand.

With this, it feels like everything is just inside my head. Taking the title and description of this blog, I am lost inside my head. As my dearest housemate, Teena, put it, "Parang paghinga ko na ang pag-iisip." I can't help not to think because I dont know what's going on other people's mind... And I dont know it because i know i didnt bother to ask... and the reason i didnt ask is because i dont want to be ask either. weird ako no? as much as I want to ask and share, there's something in my head that's holding it back. I want to but I cant.

Then, there came the blog. What I cant express in the real world, I write it here... what I want in the ideal world, I write it here. what i feel at the moment,  what i want to say, what i need to say, what's inside my head, i write it all here...

sometimes[?] i'm being too tackless, or naive, or insensitive, or too trusting, or open, but at the end of the day, this blog frees me.